In touch with your feelings
Be positive about all your emotions - the "bad" ones as well the "good" ones
What is emotional health?
Emotional health is not about feeling good all the time. Rather, it's about being in touch with and respecting your emotions ? all of them ? and accepting that they're all part of a healthy and rich existence. We can?t feel good at all times because feelings such as anxiety, sadness and anger are all very natural and healthy responses to often unavoidable life-events.
If you try to force yourself to feel good, the negative feelings tend to go "underground" and then re-surface when you least expect them to. If you believe you should be feeling happy all the time, then when those "negative" feelings do re-surface, you may start to feel bad about feeling bad, and begin to spiral down into a cycle of self-blame and depression.
Some people are better at looking after their physical health than their emotional well-being ? and this can be especially true for men. Our emotional health is important for its own sake and is also closely linked to physical health. Studies have shown that people who are willing to express their feelings have stronger immune systems and are less susceptible to diseases such as heart disease, asthma, and arthritis.
Some people may have particular difficulties in being in touch with their emotions because they've been brought up to believe that they should control their feelings ? particularly feelings like sadness, fear and vulnerability ? and be strong and ?have a stiff upper lip?. But feelings don't go and suppressing them can lead to a wide range of emotional problems.
Studies show that if we can become more in touch with our emotions ? both positive and negative - then we are more likely to feel:
A greater sense of self-acceptance and self-worth calmer and less concerned about how we will respond in different situations more satisfied with our life and relationships more in control of our behaviour more alive and invigorated ? more able to live life to the full.
Be positive about all your emotions
Most people tend to think of feelings as either ?good? - like happiness; or ?bad? - like anxiety or sadness. But the reality is that there aren't any ?bad? feelings ? these are just feelings that are very painful or uncomfortable because they want us to respond to them. The first step towards greater emotional well-being is to understand that all emotions ? from joy to rage to grief ? are valuable. Every emotion is there for a reason. So, for instance, expressing sadness after a bereavement is a way of helping to achieve closure and allowing us to move on with life.
Get to know your feelings
By accepting and respecting all your feelings, it becomes possible to develop a much deeper understanding of what you feel on a day-to-day basis. This can help you to identify what you really think about and feel towards things. Otherwise, you can end up behaving in ways which are irrational and unconstructive, which you later regret, or which are inconsistent with your values and beliefs.
One way to develop a greater awareness of your feelings is to ask yourself every so often ?What am I feeling now?? You may also find it useful to keep a diary of your emotional ups and downs. It can be particularly insightful to focus on times when you have behaved in ways that you don't fully understand (for example, when you were particularly aggressive in a meeting at work). Ask yourself what the feeling was like, and who, or what, the feeling was directed at.
Identify the beliefs behind your feelings
Once you are more aware of your feelings, you can try to understand how you came to feel that way. All feelings have thoughts behind them, so think about the thoughts that were running through your head that may have led you to feel the way you did. For example, when you were aggressive in a meeting at work, you may have been thinking that it was the only way to get yourself heard or to make an impression.
Keep trying to broaden out your understanding of what you were thinking until you really understand why you felt the way you did. You may come to the conclusion that the beliefs on which your feelings are based are not really rational. Give yourself time to think through your beliefs and feelings and slowly re-evaluate how you see things.
One of the best ways to do this is to start to behave in ways that will show you that your previous beliefs were wrong. For instance, if you believed that you would not be taken seriously if you made a contribution in a meeting, then giving it a go is the best way of proving to yourself that this isn't the case.
Telling people what you are feeling, and getting their feedback is also an excellent way of challenging irrational beliefs. So explaining to your manager how you are feeling and then being asked to prepare and give a presentation at the next meeting is evidence that your beliefs were mistaken.
Getting help
At times you may feel that you just can't cope with your emotions on your own.
You could talk to a friend or partner about your feelings. Find someone who will accept your emotions and won't start judging you for how you feel. They should be able to listen to you talk about ?negative? feelings without reassuring you or telling you ?not to worry?. You need them to trust you to be the best judge of your emotions, rather than trying to tell you what you're ?really? feeling.
What is emotional health?
Emotional health is not about feeling good all the time. Rather, it's about being in touch with and respecting your emotions ? all of them ? and accepting that they're all part of a healthy and rich existence. We can?t feel good at all times because feelings such as anxiety, sadness and anger are all very natural and healthy responses to often unavoidable life-events.
If you try to force yourself to feel good, the negative feelings tend to go "underground" and then re-surface when you least expect them to. If you believe you should be feeling happy all the time, then when those "negative" feelings do re-surface, you may start to feel bad about feeling bad, and begin to spiral down into a cycle of self-blame and depression.
Some people are better at looking after their physical health than their emotional well-being ? and this can be especially true for men. Our emotional health is important for its own sake and is also closely linked to physical health. Studies have shown that people who are willing to express their feelings have stronger immune systems and are less susceptible to diseases such as heart disease, asthma, and arthritis.
Some people may have particular difficulties in being in touch with their emotions because they've been brought up to believe that they should control their feelings ? particularly feelings like sadness, fear and vulnerability ? and be strong and ?have a stiff upper lip?. But feelings don't go and suppressing them can lead to a wide range of emotional problems.
Studies show that if we can become more in touch with our emotions ? both positive and negative - then we are more likely to feel:
A greater sense of self-acceptance and self-worth calmer and less concerned about how we will respond in different situations more satisfied with our life and relationships more in control of our behaviour more alive and invigorated ? more able to live life to the full.
Be positive about all your emotions
Most people tend to think of feelings as either ?good? - like happiness; or ?bad? - like anxiety or sadness. But the reality is that there aren't any ?bad? feelings ? these are just feelings that are very painful or uncomfortable because they want us to respond to them. The first step towards greater emotional well-being is to understand that all emotions ? from joy to rage to grief ? are valuable. Every emotion is there for a reason. So, for instance, expressing sadness after a bereavement is a way of helping to achieve closure and allowing us to move on with life.
Get to know your feelings
By accepting and respecting all your feelings, it becomes possible to develop a much deeper understanding of what you feel on a day-to-day basis. This can help you to identify what you really think about and feel towards things. Otherwise, you can end up behaving in ways which are irrational and unconstructive, which you later regret, or which are inconsistent with your values and beliefs.
One way to develop a greater awareness of your feelings is to ask yourself every so often ?What am I feeling now?? You may also find it useful to keep a diary of your emotional ups and downs. It can be particularly insightful to focus on times when you have behaved in ways that you don't fully understand (for example, when you were particularly aggressive in a meeting at work). Ask yourself what the feeling was like, and who, or what, the feeling was directed at.
Identify the beliefs behind your feelings
Once you are more aware of your feelings, you can try to understand how you came to feel that way. All feelings have thoughts behind them, so think about the thoughts that were running through your head that may have led you to feel the way you did. For example, when you were aggressive in a meeting at work, you may have been thinking that it was the only way to get yourself heard or to make an impression.
Keep trying to broaden out your understanding of what you were thinking until you really understand why you felt the way you did. You may come to the conclusion that the beliefs on which your feelings are based are not really rational. Give yourself time to think through your beliefs and feelings and slowly re-evaluate how you see things.
One of the best ways to do this is to start to behave in ways that will show you that your previous beliefs were wrong. For instance, if you believed that you would not be taken seriously if you made a contribution in a meeting, then giving it a go is the best way of proving to yourself that this isn't the case.
Telling people what you are feeling, and getting their feedback is also an excellent way of challenging irrational beliefs. So explaining to your manager how you are feeling and then being asked to prepare and give a presentation at the next meeting is evidence that your beliefs were mistaken.
Getting help
At times you may feel that you just can't cope with your emotions on your own.
You could talk to a friend or partner about your feelings. Find someone who will accept your emotions and won't start judging you for how you feel. They should be able to listen to you talk about ?negative? feelings without reassuring you or telling you ?not to worry?. You need them to trust you to be the best judge of your emotions, rather than trying to tell you what you're ?really? feeling.