How is your self-esteem?
The higher our self-esteem, the more likely we are to achieve our potential
Self-esteem is not just about recognising your good qualities. It is being able to see all your abilities and weaknesses together, accepting them, and doing your best with what you have.
For example, you may not play squash well enough to be in a team, but that should not stop you enjoying the game.
The higher our self-esteem, the more likely we are to achieve our potential, and this is equally relevant within the workplace. A strong positive self-esteem is associated with being more assertive, having better physical health and more satisfying relationships. The world feels like a good place. Other people respond to your positive attitude, so that even when you don?t get your way, you feel good about yourself and them. This reinforces your self-esteem.
At the other end of the spectrum, when your self-esteem is low, you feel depressed and hopeless. Everything seems difficult, the world seems like a bad place, full of people who will ignore you or treat you badly. People with lower self-esteem may denigrate others, including friends. The inferiority complex says that anyone I like wouldn?t like me; therefore anyone who likes me isn?t worth liking.
There is nothing so disabling as a sense of worthlessness. People who feel they ?do not count? will feel they have nothing to contribute. For people who have been through difficult experiences, it can be hard to break the link between being treated badly and believing that you are bad.
Most of us get through life somewhere near the positive end of the spectrum. Our self-esteem can change from time to time in response to things that happen. Events involving loss or threat, such as ending a relationship, being bullied at work or not getting the promotion you were hoping, for can give your self-esteem a huge knock, but a healthy person with a positive sense of self will absorb these and bounce back. Valuing yourself will give you the strength to face your difficulties.
Tackle prejudice
Research shows that the origins of our self-esteem go back to childhood. Warm, intimate and continuous attachments provided by good enough parents help to build self-esteem. Experiences in adult life, especially those involving loving relationships with others, and positive work experiences are also important sources of self-esteem. You cannot change your childhood experiences, but you can move forward and begin to feel better about yourself, by tackling negative thoughts that undermine your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is like a prejudice about yourself ? seeing yourself as unworthy or unacceptable. This self perception is biased, and fighting it involves acknowledging your qualities and talents rather than discounting them - ?I?ve always had good IT skills? or ?I?m glad you are pleased with this report.? Prejudices can be changed but they are apt to re-emerge at times of stress. Be aware of them and recognise the bad effect they have on the way you think and feel about yourself, so that you can rebuff them when they reappear.
Stifle your internal critic
Low self-esteem can mean you judge yourself harshly and make negative predictions. It stops you trying and makes you susceptible to failure, which is what you expect. When you do well, you put it down to chance. ?Getting that job was just lucky, but they?ll get rid of me when they find out how useless I am.?
Your internal critic is good at telling you when you?ve done something wrong.
Say your presentation at work went poorly and the power point presentation failed. Your inner critic will tell you how hopeless you are, how you?ll never get promotion, how you won?t be given any responsibility again. You need to think about what happened, accept what went wrong, keep things in perspective and remember that your last piece of work was really good.
Negative thoughts can be insistent and loud. Studies show that learning to interrupt them can be effective. You may not be able to block them out completely but don't let them take over. Try distracting yourself or comforting yourself, if you can't solve the problem right away. Question your assumptions. Is it really true that nobody likes you, or that everything you do turns out badly? Is it really true that unfortunate things that happen to you are punishment for being a bad person? Look at the consequences of your ideas, question how rational they are and begin to challenge them.
Do the best you can
Do the best you can rather than aiming for unattainable perfection which makes you feel bad about yourself. Aiming for better self-esteem helps you to do better, and also to feel better.
Think about your good points. What do you do best? What are your skills and interests? How would a friend describe you? Why not write them down? Now, look at your weak points. What do you have difficulty doing? What makes you feel frustrated? Write these down too. Take a look at these lists. Remember that all of us have our positive and negative sides. We need to let our strengths shine, and build on our weak points to help us mature and grow.
Develop friendships that make you feel good
Other people play an important part in how we feel about ourselves. If low self-esteem is a problem for you, think about your current relationships. Who helps you feel good about yourself ? at work, at home? Who undermines your self-confidence? Making changes in your relationships may be one of the most effective ways to increase self-esteem ? but it is rarely easy.
Self-esteem is not just about recognising your good qualities. It is being able to see all your abilities and weaknesses together, accepting them, and doing your best with what you have.
For example, you may not play squash well enough to be in a team, but that should not stop you enjoying the game.
The higher our self-esteem, the more likely we are to achieve our potential, and this is equally relevant within the workplace. A strong positive self-esteem is associated with being more assertive, having better physical health and more satisfying relationships. The world feels like a good place. Other people respond to your positive attitude, so that even when you don?t get your way, you feel good about yourself and them. This reinforces your self-esteem.
At the other end of the spectrum, when your self-esteem is low, you feel depressed and hopeless. Everything seems difficult, the world seems like a bad place, full of people who will ignore you or treat you badly. People with lower self-esteem may denigrate others, including friends. The inferiority complex says that anyone I like wouldn?t like me; therefore anyone who likes me isn?t worth liking.
There is nothing so disabling as a sense of worthlessness. People who feel they ?do not count? will feel they have nothing to contribute. For people who have been through difficult experiences, it can be hard to break the link between being treated badly and believing that you are bad.
Most of us get through life somewhere near the positive end of the spectrum. Our self-esteem can change from time to time in response to things that happen. Events involving loss or threat, such as ending a relationship, being bullied at work or not getting the promotion you were hoping, for can give your self-esteem a huge knock, but a healthy person with a positive sense of self will absorb these and bounce back. Valuing yourself will give you the strength to face your difficulties.
Tackle prejudice
Research shows that the origins of our self-esteem go back to childhood. Warm, intimate and continuous attachments provided by good enough parents help to build self-esteem. Experiences in adult life, especially those involving loving relationships with others, and positive work experiences are also important sources of self-esteem. You cannot change your childhood experiences, but you can move forward and begin to feel better about yourself, by tackling negative thoughts that undermine your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is like a prejudice about yourself ? seeing yourself as unworthy or unacceptable. This self perception is biased, and fighting it involves acknowledging your qualities and talents rather than discounting them - ?I?ve always had good IT skills? or ?I?m glad you are pleased with this report.? Prejudices can be changed but they are apt to re-emerge at times of stress. Be aware of them and recognise the bad effect they have on the way you think and feel about yourself, so that you can rebuff them when they reappear.
Stifle your internal critic
Low self-esteem can mean you judge yourself harshly and make negative predictions. It stops you trying and makes you susceptible to failure, which is what you expect. When you do well, you put it down to chance. ?Getting that job was just lucky, but they?ll get rid of me when they find out how useless I am.?
Your internal critic is good at telling you when you?ve done something wrong.
Say your presentation at work went poorly and the power point presentation failed. Your inner critic will tell you how hopeless you are, how you?ll never get promotion, how you won?t be given any responsibility again. You need to think about what happened, accept what went wrong, keep things in perspective and remember that your last piece of work was really good.
Negative thoughts can be insistent and loud. Studies show that learning to interrupt them can be effective. You may not be able to block them out completely but don't let them take over. Try distracting yourself or comforting yourself, if you can't solve the problem right away. Question your assumptions. Is it really true that nobody likes you, or that everything you do turns out badly? Is it really true that unfortunate things that happen to you are punishment for being a bad person? Look at the consequences of your ideas, question how rational they are and begin to challenge them.
Do the best you can
Do the best you can rather than aiming for unattainable perfection which makes you feel bad about yourself. Aiming for better self-esteem helps you to do better, and also to feel better.
Think about your good points. What do you do best? What are your skills and interests? How would a friend describe you? Why not write them down? Now, look at your weak points. What do you have difficulty doing? What makes you feel frustrated? Write these down too. Take a look at these lists. Remember that all of us have our positive and negative sides. We need to let our strengths shine, and build on our weak points to help us mature and grow.
Develop friendships that make you feel good
Other people play an important part in how we feel about ourselves. If low self-esteem is a problem for you, think about your current relationships. Who helps you feel good about yourself ? at work, at home? Who undermines your self-confidence? Making changes in your relationships may be one of the most effective ways to increase self-esteem ? but it is rarely easy.